i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
