im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Help me help you realize you are a moron
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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