I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
