alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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