Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I'm always down for nudity.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize