So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
