wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
She even gives head with a lisp.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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