Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
