I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
