she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
