Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
