Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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