Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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