Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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