At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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