I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
