You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
