we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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