Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
