We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
