Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
