I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
