he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
