you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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