Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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