The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Randomize
