i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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