Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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