I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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