who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i dont even know how to be here
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
