All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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