Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
