It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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