I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
