Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
the day after is always just damage control
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
