dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
