you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
