And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
