Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
