she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Text me some of your sweat
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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