She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
