My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
