I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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