my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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