I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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