I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
