What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
