ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
