words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
