I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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