hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
