A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
