If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
