I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
